My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
