you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
