you told grandpa to call you daddy
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
