i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
