oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
