3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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