Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
