If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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