the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
