I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I smell stomach acid.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
