Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
