I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
