she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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