my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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