Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
