I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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