We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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