Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
