Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
