not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
