So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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