I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
