Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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