Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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