We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
