i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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