how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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