apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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