Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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