When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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