I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize