No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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