youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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