i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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