I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
