me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
