nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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