i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
