Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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