ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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