get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
