I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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