shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
