There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
