I puked a lego.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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