my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
