the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
