if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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