wakey wakey hands off snakey
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
