Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
