I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
