Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
