It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
