I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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