Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
