I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
