Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
