you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
