Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
