i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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