I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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