There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize