my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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