We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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