TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
