this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize