I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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