How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
