I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
