Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
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